Sometimes, upon waking in the morning, you notice that the joy is missing. The day picks up speed; things get done – you answer messages, go shopping, cook, clean, and work. You might even laugh at a joke. To an outside observer, everything looks perfectly normal. Yet, your inner state feels somehow… gray.
After all, everything is seemingly fine. You have a home and a job – or some other activity. You are surrounded by people, and the business of daily life is taken care of. Nothing particularly tragic has happened in your life recently, either. You cannot even truly say you have a reason to be sad. And yet…
You simply feel a sense of emptiness – as if you aren’t the protagonist of your own life. You might tell yourself there is no reason to be sad, yet you feel that something is missing. And because there is no specific cause, you begin to question your feelings, asking yourself: What is wrong with me?
At the same time, you might answer: Others have it much harder. I actually have everything. I ought to be happy. But in reality, you cannot simply tell yourself you have no reason to be sad and then command happiness to appear.
Joy doesn’t come from having every problem solved
Conversely, a lack of joy doesn’t automatically mean something is terribly wrong in your life. Sometimes, it’s simply a case of having too much of something for too long. And perhaps you aren’t even sad; maybe you’re just tired.
We probably don’t talk enough about that state where a person isn’t quite burned out yet but is still managing – working and getting things done, shouldering responsibilities, and smiling. Yet, they don’t really feel much of anything anymore. Things that used to bring joy now seem… indifferent. You might go to the seaside, for instance, but the sight of the ocean leaves you unmoved. You listen to your favorite song, but it no longer stirs that good feeling. You buy yourself something beautiful, but the emotion lasts only a moment. Interacting with others brings no joy. And when someone asks, What’s wrong?, you simply don’t know how to answer.
Joy Needs Space and Presence
Have we grown accustomed to thinking of joy as something that should simply arise on its own? As if joy were a personality trait – some people are cheerful, and others are not. Yet joy is also a state of being. And our inner state depends heavily on how we live.
When our days are filled with obligations, haste, information, screens, worry, and responding to the needs of others, there may simply be too little room for joy, because joy requires presence. If your mind is constantly focused on the next task, you cannot truly experience what is happening right now. If your body is constantly tense, your mind may also remain guarded. If you have spent years being capable, industrious, and strong, you might one day discover that you have forgotten what actually brings you joy.
When was the last time you just enjoyed something?
You enjoyed something not because you had heard that it was useful to do it or to prove something to others. Just because you liked it? When was the last time you listened to music without doing something else at the same time? When was the last time you walked aimlessly? When was the last time you did something creative without expecting a result? When was the last time you laughed without thinking about how you look to others? When was the last time you sat in silence and didn’t have to give anything to anyone?
These are not trivial questions. These questions are about vitality.
Joy doesn’t have to be huge
Perhaps we expect too much from joy. We think joy must be euphoria or a feeling of immense happiness. But the true joy of living can be something much quieter. It can simply be the feeling of being comfortable in your own body.
This feeling might be sparked by a patch of sunlight on the floor, the scent of the sea, or a warm cup of tea on a cold morning. It can be awakened by a child’s laughter, a good conversation, or a creative moment when time seems to stand still. These moments may not make you feel euphoric, but they reconnect you with life.
When you don’t feel joyful, you cannot force yourself to be happy. Words like Just be positive! don’t help. You don’t actually have to deny your fatigue or pretend that everything is fine. A good place to start is by asking yourself: What do I really need right now? Perhaps what you need is rest, silence, or more sleep. Perhaps you need nature around you, a human touch, or a creative outlet. Perhaps you simply need permission not to be on top of things for a while.
Have you ever had moments where you thought: I don’t really have a reason to be sad… yet I don’t feel any joy, either?
